Last year, I moved to Idaho to attend a graduate program in nuclear engineering. It was a great experience, and I learned quite a bit, but I bit off more than I could chew… took too many classes at once, did not take any intro engineering courses before jumping into the difficult material, and ultimately was discharged from the program due to mediocre grades. I passed all my classes with B’s and C’s, but these grades are unacceptable in graduate programs. At least I left on good terms, and my advisor and colleagues still vouch for me. I am both happy and disappointed by getting let go. I am frustrated with myself and disappointed in myself for failing, but at the same time, I know I did what I could, I worked hard, I’ve done a helluva lot for a 23 year old, and I’m still more proud of myself than I am disappointed. Grad school was incredibly stressful, so deep-down I’m glad that I am free of that world. For the first time in 5 years, I’ve been given a chance to slow down and learn to relax for once! I’ve also had time to think about what it is that I really want to do. I still don’t know if nuclear is the way to go, but I do know that engineering isn’t my strong suit, nor is it something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m considering applying to a health physics program at another university in the area. Perhaps I will enjoy that more?

In the meantime, I’ve been looking for a job. I was basically told the day of, that I was being let go, so I didn’t have any time to prepare for joblessness. First I was applying for only technical jobs… many of which I felt I was qualified for, and some that require a PhD, but I figured my experience would be enough to at least get me an interview. Nope. Wrong. If you want to do research and do not have a PhD, forget about it. No one will hire you despite several years of related experience and a good undergraduate degree. Besides that, many professionals with years of experience are applying for entry level jobs right now, so entry level job seekers don’t have much of a chance right now either. In the last couple months, I’ve been looking for a job, any job, so long as I can pay the bills. Everyone tells me that I’m overqualified for the position, and that I would hate the low pay. News flash people, physicists need to pay the bills too.

I finally got a couple interviews this last week. The “regular” jobs that I interviewed for all rejected me due to being overqualified (though I was told that I was everyone’s top pick whatever that means). There is one job that I’m hopeful for, but I have to wait a month to hear back, which is difficult when you need to make rent. It’s not a research position, but it’s a technical, in town, and a job that I think I would enjoy. My interview went very well, but between 40 and 50 people interviewed for the same position, so I’m not sure how positive I should feel about it. I don’t believe in luck, but cross your fingers for me guys!

I’m getting a bit scared about my situation… afraid that I’ll end up on the street or who knows where. I’m also in shock that all of this is happening to me. I had so many hopes and dreams and aspirations for myself. I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go, but now I have no idea… sort of having an identity crisis. I know who I am, I know what I love and enjoy, and I still enjoy science, but I don’t really know what I want to do with that anymore. I also wish that there was a place where I could talk to or just hear other stories of grad school failures and dropouts… it would help to have a little support from those who understand, but I can’t find anyone out there (not surprising as I don’t think anyone would like to advertise the fact). I’m also incredibly frustrated that I cannot get a job. I’m a freaking physicist for crying out loud! I’ve got a brain, I’ve got two hands and feet, I am perfectly capable of working, but no one is willing to give me a chance.

I’ve decided to do the program, because I was heavier and more out of shape than I’ve ever been. My partner and I also plan on climbing several peaks over 12,000 feet in Idaho by the time it gets cold here, so I’m conditioning for that as well.

Anyway, I love P90X so far. There is a different workout everyday, so it’s not boring, and different muscle groups get worked each day which supposedly keeps you from plateauing (working so far for me). I also like how it isn’t a “girly” workout. I’ve seen other programs like slim in 6 or hip hop abs that just seem kinda… “wussy”. I’m glad that I found a workout that is intense and challenging. If I want to change my body, and my mood, I have to make some serious changes and work really hard to do it. I’ve seen incredible results so far, but that’s only because I’ve pushed myself and have stuck with a program that has challenged me and that works for me.

I really don’t like getting honked at… it’s very offensive (and kinda frightening) to me. I think I’ve substituted “Hey bozo get a car!” (or in my more paranoid moments, “Hey babe I’m gonna kidnap you!”) for each honk I heard today. I’d almost rather trek through bear country with a string of landjagers hanging around my neck! At least the bears would be happy to see me.

So again I ask, why honk at us lone walkers? Perhaps that’s just the problem. Sans those in the cities, no one really walks everywhere anymore. I don’t know how you all go without walking, but I cannot get through my day if I don’t have my evening walk. I love walking alone and taking the time to reflect on my day. Most of the time I just forget about the day and take in everything around me… smells, wind, sounds, stars, etc. It helps me reset, relax, and be present.

I urge you to do two things:

1. Do not honk at anyone (unless he/she is being an idiot). It scares us womenfolk and it’s rude.

2. Try to take a walk everyday… perhaps during your lunch break or after dinner with your family pet.

I have had several leadership experiences and underwent extensive leadership training through an army ranger style experience called Character Quest. In nearly all of these situations I was a team captain and a person in a position of power. However, now I am just a regular team member. What do I do about this? I was feeling at a loss for a while.

I’ve begun to realize that being a leader does not just entail doing a good job as a person in power. Being a good leader also means being a good teammate, because in the end, the goal is to complete the project and to succeed. If I do everything in my power to help the team and the project succeed, I am being a good leader whether or not I have the title or prestige of one. So I have had a frustrating time dealing with catty team politics and not getting to fly when I’ve done so much work, but I can smile at least, because I know that I have helped our project and our team succeed. Even though I would still like to go back and change things, I am grateful for this opportunity to push my ego aside and to learn how to lead from within.

For my part in this world wide IYA festival, I will be giving my usual planetarium shows to boyscouts, children, and college students in our astronomy and discovery courses. I am also planning to do a few star shows when it gets warmer. Perhaps I will throw a small graduation party for myself and drag all my telescopes out for a special star show. I also want to finish that draft of my get-rid-of-your-light-pollution-producing-lights proposal aimed at my college and a draft aimed at any town I may be moving to for grad school.

If you are an astronomer, amateur or professional, what are your plans for IYA 2009?

If you are not familiar with astronomy, but would like to learn more: look for a local astronomy club, star party, planetarium, or class. Pull out those old binoculars and look up! Every clear night, make it a point to look up for a few minutes. Let your eyes adjust and look at the stars and the patterns they make. Maybe take note of where the moon is and what phase it’s in.

Check out my links to the right. There you will find the U.S. site for IYA 2009.

After some initial frustration at not being able to see any galaxies or little green men on mars, I resigned my beloved Shorttube to its bag under my bed, occasionally taking it out to look at the moon. For years she sat there unloved, a guilty reminder.

In college, I finally learned how to locate objects in the night sky. Armed with this new knowledge, a planesphere, a red flashlight, and some old Bushnell binoculars, I became very familiar with the sky. I only wish there had been someone to teach me these things before I lost interest in my telescope so many years ago!

To anyone new to astronomy and observing who is looking to buy a telescope: buy some binoculars first, get a planesphere, and learn your constellations, bright nebulae, star clusters, etc. Then when you are familiar enough with the sky, visit this site for more information about what telescope is right for you (based on things like budget, where you live, and what you want to look at): My First Scope. Also, make sure you check out your local astronomy club (they are everywhere!). The members are usually excited to help, to talk about astronomy, and can teach you how to properly use your telescope.

A few years ago, I took a telescope making class. In four weeks I ground and polished my own 6″ mirror, and I built a simple alt-az mount and tube for it. Below is a picture of the finished product (also a Newtonian Reflector).

Yes, I painted stars and vines and leaves and crap all over it… I am little miss nature girl after all. This has been a VERY wonderful telescope however. I always enjoy looking at planets with this one… Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars in particular. Because of the simple alt-az mount, it is also a nice scope to take out when I am showing things to friends and family. They can just easily and carefully use their own hands to move the scope to keep a planet in view.

Thanks to a very generous friend, I just welcomed a new telescope into my collection. It is a very nice 6″ Meade Newtonian Reflector on an equatorial mount which I saved from a life of collecting dust and grease in a garage. I have not yet had a chance to play with this one yet, but I would like to get my equatorial tracking motor working again and invest in a cheap ccd setup, so I can take some exposures. I might remount my hand polished mirror in this scope, since my mirror has better precision and a better coating. When I can afford it, I want to invest in a nice ccd camera and some r, g, b, moon, and solar filters.

Ohh! I forgot to mention that I just got a new high power green laser for Christmas! It has been a fun toy and a wonderful teaching tool.

Soon, I hope to get accepted to grad school, preferably out west where there is little light pollution/tresspass to ruin the night sky. In the meantime, I have to contend with the light cone of Chicago and the clouds of Wisconsin. At least they let me give star shows in the planetarium from time to time! Anyway, that’s my introduction to my telescopes. I hope that you too can appreciate all that the night sky has to offer!

For more information, visit our blog: Carthage Observational Astrophysics. There you will find my contributions to the blog as well as astrophotography processed by those of us on the trip.

The image below is one which I took of the reflection nebula around the star Merope in the Pleiades (Subaru, Seven Sisters) star cluster.

NGC 1435 Merope Nebula