Life Update

I apologize for the lack of posts and responses in the last year, but it’s been a strange and busy one.

Last year, I moved to Idaho to attend a graduate program in nuclear engineering. It was a great experience, and I learned quite a bit, but I bit off more than I could chew… took too many classes at once, did not take any intro engineering courses before jumping into the difficult material, and ultimately was discharged from the program due to mediocre grades. I passed all my classes with B’s and C’s, but these grades are unacceptable in graduate programs. At least I left on good terms, and my advisor and colleagues still vouch for me. I am both happy and disappointed by getting let go. I am frustrated with myself and disappointed in myself for failing, but at the same time, I know I did what I could, I worked hard, I’ve done a helluva lot for a 23 year old, and I’m still more proud of myself than I am disappointed. Grad school was incredibly stressful, so deep-down I’m glad that I am free of that world. For the first time in 5 years, I’ve been given a chance to slow down and learn to relax for once! I’ve also had time to think about what it is that I really want to do. I still don’t know if nuclear is the way to go, but I do know that engineering isn’t my strong suit, nor is it something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m considering applying to a health physics program at another university in the area. Perhaps I will enjoy that more?

In the meantime, I’ve been looking for a job. I was basically told the day of, that I was being let go, so I didn’t have any time to prepare for joblessness. First I was applying for only technical jobs… many of which I felt I was qualified for, and some that require a PhD, but I figured my experience would be enough to at least get me an interview. Nope. Wrong. If you want to do research and do not have a PhD, forget about it. No one will hire you despite several years of related experience and a good undergraduate degree. Besides that, many professionals with years of experience are applying for entry level jobs right now, so entry level job seekers don’t have much of a chance right now either. In the last couple months, I’ve been looking for a job, any job, so long as I can pay the bills. Everyone tells me that I’m overqualified for the position, and that I would hate the low pay. News flash people, physicists need to pay the bills too.

I finally got a couple interviews this last week. The “regular” jobs that I interviewed for all rejected me due to being overqualified (though I was told that I was everyone’s top pick whatever that means). There is one job that I’m hopeful for, but I have to wait a month to hear back, which is difficult when you need to make rent. It’s not a research position, but it’s a technical, in town, and a job that I think I would enjoy. My interview went very well, but between 40 and 50 people interviewed for the same position, so I’m not sure how positive I should feel about it. I don’t believe in luck, but cross your fingers for me guys!

I’m getting a bit scared about my situation… afraid that I’ll end up on the street or who knows where. I’m also in shock that all of this is happening to me. I had so many hopes and dreams and aspirations for myself. I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go, but now I have no idea… sort of having an identity crisis. I know who I am, I know what I love and enjoy, and I still enjoy science, but I don’t really know what I want to do with that anymore. I also wish that there was a place where I could talk to or just hear other stories of grad school failures and dropouts… it would help to have a little support from those who understand, but I can’t find anyone out there (not surprising as I don’t think anyone would like to advertise the fact). I’m also incredibly frustrated that I cannot get a job. I’m a freaking physicist for crying out loud! I’ve got a brain, I’ve got two hands and feet, I am perfectly capable of working, but no one is willing to give me a chance.